MAMAmia!

2008-12-03T21:57:00.001+08:00

feeling so scared so very very confused
the lonliness i feel can make me so weak i cannot describe this feeling i cannot explain the things happening to me but i can say that it is what it is

2008-09-06T22:47:00.003+08:00

Emo kid: I dont have any close friends..
Scarecrow: o well...at least you have friends
Emo kid: I guess
Tough Dude: Fuck care friends just be yourself...
Holy Man: Friends complete you..Make you who you are. They define you. Improve you and Help you
Emo: Kid: Well i dont feel that they really understand me and i dont really know them as much as i like
Holy Man: Maybe you should talk to them about it instead of sulking
Tough Dude: are you kidding?! I dont wanna look like a wimp!
Bystander: Then live with it or get new friends..This is boring!
Bleh: O well..Im going to the army soon anyways

2008-09-06T22:33:00.003+08:00

Been trying to study chemistry for the past few days at home. But only managed to study until chapter 4 and only managed some mcq questions for the first chapter. I think its because i get distracted too easily and i get bored fairly quickly. I keep thinking of her. Still confused and unconfident.. Maybe Ill get more confidence if these pimples clear up haha. I am now keeping my hair up and applying all sorts of face creams and using lots of cleanser when i bathe. Hopefully one of them works. :)

Something wierd happened to my phone today. When i restarted my phone yesterday. It said i had a missed call but when i called her to check she said she didnt call. Maybe its my imagination.

An Update

2008-09-02T11:28:00.003+08:00

Well, prelims are over.Im kinda sure im gonna fail most of it.Argh the negativity! get away from me!

Well Im pretty confused about my feelings now.Why does my heart play such tricks on me. Is it love or is it just raging hormones? Well I have no idea. But now when i see her i do not get the urge. Quite the contrary but i feel like I just want to be near her.

Feeling quite low self esteem sometimes as well. Darn pimples. If it wasnt the fat, it was the teeth, now its the pimples..what is this...

Im glad I froze the blog. Let me think through a few things and I hate if people saw these as signs of weakness. I hate looking weak. YES! Muhahha..

Step 4 is out. Amazing what you can do with just a flash program and music. One of the best flash series ever made. If you haven't seen this before. Start from Step 1. Watch each episode twice then move on to the next.

2008-07-05T02:07:00.003+08:00

Woohoo!Friday!TGIF.Del msged me to watch Hancock. asked me where wanna watch. Thought at first going jp to watch... Last min told changed to vivo(!!!) or maybe they decided long ago and i was told last min to go to vivo. Yp and Del left first without me. Think i was in the train behind them. Reached the cinema, played a bit of DJ max while waiting for sm. Went to the cinema,lucky haven start. Hancock is quite funny, but the jokes are a bit repetitive. Will Smith is quite talented.

Today during dinner, I got hit with a sense of de-ja-vu. I experienced the same feelings, same situation, same sadness.

Feels like my opinions don't matter no more..or ever...feels like I'm the last to know anything...feels like im out of it... feels like there are tongues wagging behind my back..feels like there's something i don't know...feels like tomorrow's gonna be the same...feels like no matter how hard i try i wont be enough... feels like im just an extra in a movie...feels so real yet seems so superficial...feels like they are doing it just to make themselves feel better not because they care...

Heck..its onli how i feel...who the fuck cares.I HATE these fucking insecurities. I always think I think too much but too many instances make it hard to deny the truth.

2008-06-25T18:17:00.004+08:00

stress stress stress thats all I have to say for now..

2008-04-18T20:36:00.001+08:00

If anyone was wondering, the song playing is What about Now by Daughtry

What About Now

Shadows fill an empty heart

As love is fading,

From all the things that we are

And are not saying.

Can we see beyond the scars

And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive,

The ways I loved you.

For all the things that never died,

To make it through the night,

Love will find you.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes

To start a new day.

This broken heart can still survive

With a touch of your grace.

As shadows fade into the light,

I am by your side,

Where love will find you.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love, it never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

Now that we're here,

Now that we've come this far,

Just hold on.

There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you.

For all my life,

I am yours.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

2008-04-14T22:06:00.004+08:00

Yesterday after watching Deathnote2 ive started thinking about justice again.

Light used the deathnote to kill any murderers or criminals he saw fit of recieving execution. Was what he did right? After all, 70% of the population agreed to his methods and crime rate dropped by 90%. The Law is also created based on what the majority of humans THINK is RIGHT. Therefore what Light did was RIGHT by society standards.

Is Justice Just? I think its definitely not. What Justice today really is, is a method used by society to govern the abberations and abnormalities of society.' The distinguishing feature of a legal system is the existence of a sovereign whose authority is recognized by most members of a society, but who is not bound by any human superior. The criterion for validity of a legal rule in such a society is that it bears the warrant of the sovereign and will be enforced by the sovereign power and its agents.' We punish what we think is wrong and mete punishment according to what WE THINK is the degree of wrong commited. How do we define that a person has done wrong then? We define what is wrong as something that is bad/harmful to us or what we BELIEVE is morally/instinctively wrong. Therefore justice is based on collective subjective opinions. Hence different countries and even different states have different laws. This means our justice is definitely and obviously flawed. This leads me to the conclusion that there is no right or wrong in this world we live in. There is only the opinion of other peers. However, I do believe that justice is overall beneficial for the sake of the safety and harmony of the society but its definitely not True Justice. Well i think my arguement is definitely flawed somewhere but what the heck..its only my opinion :)

Well in the end, GOD will judge whether we did right or wrong in our lives assuming there is a god.
Another Random topic~

2008-04-06T01:14:00.004+08:00

Had a class outing today to celebrate post-Fun-O-Rama. I think its great to have such an outing once in a while to get away from the books and just relax... Before that I went jp to DDR with del yp and sm..well not actually with but i came after them... There was alot of people there when i got there..then more pros and people came and woohoo..no chance to play . Well, not as if I play alot anyways... thats why im falling so far behind del yp and sm...well i did manage to play with del yp sm one round each at least today and 2 stages with special appearances from dillon!! lol..played MAX300 with him and we managed to pass and I got a new record!! Haha. Dillon tried to persuade yp to go to class outing but yp is like a mountain that cannot be moved. Then yp gave dillon false hope by challenging him to ddr and saying he will go if dillon beat him. Well we can guess what happened. Yp stayed to monster hunt with yp del and sora..

So then I went with dillon to his house...or should I say a freaking 4 storey terrace!! His room is bigger than my living room!! He also has a waterbed is unbelievably comfy. Im so jealous... But im happy to say my TV is bigger than his ROFL..but i don't have cable so whats the freaking point T_T.....Of course then we had our barbecue.We had sausages, chicken and cheese fries for dinner. Thanks to dillon's parents for the delicious sausages and chicken. Soon the band people came and ate alot especially sean haha... then manfred started telling ghost encounters and AC ghost sightings and rumors. Im amazed at how manfred is able to tell such things with such conviction and persuasion. I think the girls woke up the whole neighbourhood with their screaming that night.

ITs sm's bithday tml or should i say today? Happy birthday sm and hope you will have a standing good time in maths tutorials haha...wait till u see what del and yp cooked up for you.Best wishes for your A-levels!!

Maybe its my insecurities or I think too much but it seems that we keep drifting further and further apart. The brotherhood I thought we had was not as deep as I thought it was...what can one do when he's no longer as important to those he trust? Is the bond really forged by the time and things done together? Im not sure anymore. At first, it was nothing but slowly the wall grew taller one brick at a time. Maybe its my absence at important times or it could be just because I suck. Really wished I had the courage for confrontation but I don't think some things can or need to be said. Only time will tell whether the bond will last or crumble at the slightest touch ... the first black flame burns the night away...

2008-03-26T18:15:00.003+08:00

eheeheheheeeehehheheheehheheehex

Im crazy. Live with It XD XD XD XD

It's true, we're all a little insane
But it's so clearNow that I'm unchained
Fear is only in our minds
Taking over all the time
Fear is only in our minds
but its taking over all the time
You poor sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
You know you live to break me- don't deny
Sweet sacrifice
One day I'm gonna forget your name
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain
Fear is only in our minds
Taking over all the time
Fear is only in our minds
but its taking over all the time
You poor sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
And oh you love to hate me don't you, honey?
I'm your sacrifice.
I dream in darkness
I sleep to die
Raise the silence
Erase my life
Do you wonder why you hate?
(Our burning ashes)
(Blacken the day)
Are you still too weak
(A world of nothingness)
to survive your mistakes?
(Blow me away)
You poor sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
You know you live to break me- don't deny
Sweet sacrifice

The Phoenix is born alone

2008-03-22T03:58:00.010+08:00

The Phoenix is born alone

Im sad. Yeap...

Sometimes I wonder why Im alive on this earth. Sounds very stupid and childish right? But everyone has this question burning in their hearts at least one point in their life. What do we live for? Do we live to survive? Do we live for other people? In the end..only death awaits...all your struggles, all your efforts, all your actions...In the end nothing matters.

Some say the answer is GOD. Heres where GOD makes things more complicated.With GOD in your heart and mind,GOD will deliver you to his arms in death where you will obtain eternal life. All GOD requires faith..thats all there its to it, no dumb theories about his existence or countless hours of reading the bible. All you need...is faith. But what about those with no sense of faith to begin with? Eternal Hell awaits..yep..the depressing TRUTH..well look on the bright side, we are not being controlled by a tyranical god who makes us suffer living hell even in life.XD Or maybe this is it..we'll never know.

Well the only things that make me feel that that there's some meaning to be living this life are friends. But sometimes i feel distant and untrusting...seeing the ugly world as it is casts many doubts in my mind. My low confidence does not help either. Situations and awkward occurences hinder my abilty to be happy as well..

All I can do.....is have a little faith that everything will be alright...
Maybe we should all just be thankful that we are given a chance to live, to feel, to love, to lose, to think. Some say that the gods actually envy the mortals. As mortals only exist for a fleeting moment and that was will never happen again, it makes a human life seem so beautiful and precious.

So whats my final "stand"?
As a famous Charlie Brown comic once said :Since we are given the chance to live in this world, LIVE IN IT THEN!!

The Phoenix reborn breathes black flame

2008-03-22T03:38:00.005+08:00

The Phoenix reborn breathes black flame

Seeing that blogging is so 'IN' and having more friends into blogging, I decided to create my own blog ...bleh.YES! Conformism strikes again!! hehe. Had a group blog once but could not really say all that i wanted to say. This is a my blog, love it or hate it. Some things I learned:
1. Blog what you would be able to repeat in front of other people
2. Have fun and take it easy XD
3. Blogging is a good way to express the feelings in your soul fighting to get out..
4. Tis better to have blogged than not blogged at all
5. Death comes to all(ehh..5 is a nice no. rite?)

hi

2008-03-22T02:34:00.001+08:00